Well, 29 days until I turn 50; something I had always envisioned would be a big ta-doo with both sides of the family and friends gathered. Now most of them (my side of the family and the majority of real world friends I have) are 700 miles away! BUT I do get to look forward to even less cash because my life insurance deduction is going to jump significantly on my paycheck when I turn 50. Yay! I already have a large deduction because I provide the kids medical coverage and it's quite a big jump payroll deduction-wise from the single employee medical coverage to family (which is two or more; this means there is no decrease in payments as the kids go off to college and come off my insurance until they are all off). Add that to child support and it's a very hefty portion of my paycheck, and when I have one of these two week periods where I have to live off of $200 while feeding the kids...even with the $100/week easement I get on child support over the summer is it just not enough........I get a bit bitter here....well...maybe more than a bit.
I had a tiring day yesterday; I slept very little Sunday night (I kept dreaming of the X, happy we were still married dreams where she still loved me) and after each one I awoke and had trouble getting back to sleep. Days like this it's hard to embrace the "life sucks" aspect of things. It's like now that my conscience mind has made the effort to go on, my subconscious mind is rebelling. At least last night my dreams were blessedly free from her and I feel somewhat more rested.
I am thinking those dreams of X were possibly caused by watching the Walker Texas Ranger two parter where Alex and Walker get married followed by "The Nanny" where she and Maxwell get married Sunday evening must have hit a chord. When I see that happily ever after crap on TV and realize that some years statistically 50% of first marriages end in divorce....well.....it's kind of sad when you think about it.
Once again I say I hope other married couples I know don't make the same mistakes my X and I did, in other words, if you're dissatisfied or unhappy let your partner know in no uncertain terms. Telling all your friends will do nothing to help your marriage. And of course burying your head in the sand like I did and not noticing your partners dissatisfaction won't help either.
Anyway, back to the fun of the day! I have the kids this week and that always puts a smile on my face.
I had a tiring day yesterday; I slept very little Sunday night (I kept dreaming of the X, happy we were still married dreams where she still loved me) and after each one I awoke and had trouble getting back to sleep. Days like this it's hard to embrace the "life sucks" aspect of things. It's like now that my conscience mind has made the effort to go on, my subconscious mind is rebelling. At least last night my dreams were blessedly free from her and I feel somewhat more rested.
I am thinking those dreams of X were possibly caused by watching the Walker Texas Ranger two parter where Alex and Walker get married followed by "The Nanny" where she and Maxwell get married Sunday evening must have hit a chord. When I see that happily ever after crap on TV and realize that some years statistically 50% of first marriages end in divorce....well.....it's kind of sad when you think about it.
Once again I say I hope other married couples I know don't make the same mistakes my X and I did, in other words, if you're dissatisfied or unhappy let your partner know in no uncertain terms. Telling all your friends will do nothing to help your marriage. And of course burying your head in the sand like I did and not noticing your partners dissatisfaction won't help either.
Anyway, back to the fun of the day! I have the kids this week and that always puts a smile on my face.
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