Thanks Steve

In a week that has left me and mine at one of the lowest points I can remember, I want to thank my friend Steve for being there Friday at my dad's funeral mass.

Thanks Steve, it meant the world to me and I'm sure to my dad too.

NJ Nightmare continues

Today was no better, in fact worse with all the extra running around we had to do int he AM; my dad owns a crypt where my mom is entombed and we still had to drive all the way down there to sign the paperwork to allow my dad's space to be opened. They would not take a fax.

After that we spent the rest of the day going through so much of my dad's things. We realized we learned even more that we did not know about him, we also threw away so much stuff he had accumulated over the years....some of the weirder items were a collection of little balls of string, bags and bags of rubber bands, and about 300 dead hearing aid batteries, just to name a few.

Tomorrow is the wake....which I am dreading. Danielle in particular is very fragile right now and even Christopher, age 19, is visibly shaken. Of all the kids he was closest to his grand father and spent so much time together with him when we were living in the mother/daughter house in Great Meadows with my dad.

Here's the text of the obituary in the Star Ledger today:

View/Sign Guest Book
Enrico M. Falco
FALCO Enrico M. Falco Tool-and-die maker, WWII vet, lived in Glen Ridge, 84 Enrico M. Falco, 84, of Hackettstown died on Sunday, July 27, 2008, at home, after a long illness. A Funeral Mass will be held at Sts. Peter and Paul R.C. Church, Great Meadows, on Friday, Aug. 1, at 10 a.m. Entombment will be at Hollywood Memorial Park, Union. Arrangements by the Scala Memorial Home, 124 High St., Hackettstown, (908) 852-2420. Friends may call on Thursday from 4 to 8 p.m. Mr. Falco was born on Dec. 16, 1923, in Belleville to the late Joseph and Angelina Falco. He resided in Glen Ridge for many years before moving to the Hackettstown area 29 years ago. Mr. Falco retired as a tool-anddie maker after many years and last worked for Chatham Precision in Chatham. He was a U.S. Army veteran of World War II, serving from 1943 to 1946. He was a member of Sts. Peter and Paul R.C. Church in Great Meadows and its Seniors Club; the Great Meadows Busy Seniors and the Sunshine Club of Blairstown. Mr. Falco is survived by his companion of many years, Julia Pirrello; sons, Rick Falco of Millington and Christopher Falco of Grand Rapids, Mich.; sister, Kay Testa of Parsippany; and three grandchildren, Chris, Scott and Danielle. Published in the Star-Ledger on 7/30/2008

Nightmare in New Jersey

Frankly stated it's been hell thus far....A nightmarish 720 mile ride to New Jersey after no sleep the night before causing me to rely on energy drinks.....waiting until after the police finally finished their investigation today we were at last allowed access to my Dad's apartment and we could start the laborious task in front of us. My dad left no will, little assets and apparently has not discarded anything since the 1930's. Happily though I'm taking home stacks of old pictures to scan and preserve and I've been finding out things about my dad I had no idea of.

A few people have asked for details on the arrangements so I've pointed them here


Viewing is Thursday July 31 from 4PM - 8PM at
Scala Memorial Home
124 High Street
Hackettstown, NJ 07840
908-852-2420

Mass is Friday August 1 at 10AM at
St Peter & Paul Church
360 US Route 46
Great Meadows, NJ
908-637-4269

Funeral is Friday Augsut 1 at 12 noon at
Hollywood Memorial Park
1500 Stuyvesant Avenue
Union NJ 07083
908-688-4300

In lieu of flowers please dontated in the memory of Enrico M. Falco to
The American Lung Association
61 Broadway
New York, NY 10006
212-315-8700

8:20 PM Update on my Dad

The latest word from New Jersey is the police have retained my dad's body so they can perform an autopsy. I won't hear anything further until sometime tomorrow.

Scott, Danielle, the X and her parents and I had lunch at Red Robin and then the X took me to the airport to rent a larger car for the trip. Chris is on his way home from College right now and will arrive later this evening. We'll be heading out between 6 and 7AM in the morning depending on when I wake up.

What a day it has been; I had just returned from business in Ohio Friday so it's been doing assorted loads of wash and repacking, getting the kids the stuff they need from their Mom's house, taking Tails over there. The X has been a big help and I really appreciate this.

With any luck I'll have the car loaded in an hour and I can sit down and hopefully unwind a bit before bed.

2:40 PM Update on my Dad

My brother called about an hour ago after arriving at my dad's place. There were police and detectives investigating because as they put it there were signs of 'foul play'. That's all my brother has been able to get from them.

The X, bless her heart, rented a larger car for me which we will pick up this evening so the kids won't have to take turns being cramped in the Mustang. We'll leave between 6 and 7 tomorrow morning which should put us in NJ by 7 PM tomorrow.

In Memoriam of my DadEnrico Micheal Falco1925-2008May he Rest In Peace

Me, my Dad, and my Brother at a family dinner at our Budd Lake NJ house in 1999

Sadly the kids and I will be heading back to New Jersey at dawn tomorrow. My dad passed away this morning.

I was just getting ready to go to the store to shop for the ingredients for lasagna when the phone range around 11:30. I had just showered after an intense exercise bike ride, trying to recoup for time last week while on my business trip I guess.

It was my brother's wife Camille, telling me my dad's girlfriend had called to tell her the news and that the police were at my dad's place treating it like a crime scene and they would not allow her inside.

My brother was in the shower so she was going to tell him and then they would rush up there and find out what was going on. I await his call now.

I told Danielle and we both cried hugging each other, then we headed over to her Mom's house so she could get more clothes. I told the X what happened and then I cried all over again. I cried when I imported the picture above. Obviously I won't have any trouble letting my grief out.

Anyway, I am making arrangements with work and such, the X will be watching Tails for us. Her mom (the X's, not Tails'!) just called to offer support and such which was greatly appreciated.

So, off to New Jersey for a most unexpected trip to put my dad to rest. I'll try and update this post with more details as they become available.

In Memory of Speedy

You have to be a pet person to feel the sense of loss of a pet. Today Danielle's dwarf hamster, Speedy, passed away. It was Danielle's first pet that was hers, and that she was responsible for.

I told her about it this morning, she cried a little bit but then seemed OK for the rest of the day. I queried the X and she said Danielle had not been spending too much time with Speedy lately, another thing she has outgrown I guess. I remember how much she wanted her own pet and how many times she asked before the X agreed, and before we got Tails, I remember the ritual of bringing Speedy to my house whenever Danielle was going to be here. Kids grow up too fast.....

The X buried Speedy next to Chocolate, Scott's first Guinea Pig in her backyard. So, Speedy is in good company.

Enjoy that Great Big Exercise Wheel in the Sky Speedy!

"Speedy"
August 28, 2006 to May 18th, 2008

Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.

I'm walking from the living room of the New Jersey house I grew up in towards the front hallway and stairs. Walking with me is my boss; she sounds like my boss but strangely does not look like her. She is talking excitedly about a new process they will implement at work. We walk down the stairs together but when I get to the door that exits to the front porch, her voice fades with an echo and I am alone.

I hear voices and commotion outside, so I open the door and the flashing lights of an ambulance greet me. Lying in front of me on two gurneys while the EMT's stand about doing nothing are my brother and my Uncle Sal. They are both dying.

My father, who is not sick or using an oxygen tank is slapping my uncle on the face repeatedly while sobbing "Don't die Sal, don't die!" Tears are rolling down his cheeks and I too begin crying. My brother weakly opens his eyes and calls my name; I gather him up and hug him fiercely. We are both sobbing and telling each other how much we love the other. I hear flatline tones from both monitors, and they are gone. I am stunned and....

I awaken with a start, badly shaken and arise early (for a non-work day) at 7AM; there could be no return to slumber after such an experience! Two hours and a shopping trip for the Sunday 'Cooking with Fire' ritual I have on my weekends with the kids later, I am somewhat more composed, but still shaken by this horrible dream which felt so very real.

Perhaps this post's title, a quote that I borrowed from Indian Philosopher Mahatma Gandhi, is true or perhaps I just have a lot on my mind. I certainly feel better than I did last night when I posted near the midnight hour. I hope Scott, whose sole dialog with me last evening was to request some soup and later a bowl of M&M's, is in a better frame of mind today. It is a bright sunny day and I like to believe such days are filled with promise!

Oh, another curious thing about this dream is that my Uncle Sal has been dead a number of years......

Note - Just as I was finishing this up the X called. Danielle's pet hamster Speedy passed away...I told Danielle who is upset....Speedy was her first pet. It's also overcast now. So much for the bright promise of the day...sigh!

The week in review

This was the lovely morning that greeted me a week ago Saturday after additional snow the day before:

I was feeling a bit sick, had been the day before, but the day was gorgeous. As it got later I was feeling worse and worse. I called my dad to say hello and got some bad news; he had seen a second specialist who confirmed what his previous doctor had said his lungs were failing and there was nothing that could be done. I was stunned and spent the rest of the weekend in a fog, particularly after more bad news from some other family back east in the medical and other areas.

By Monday I was flu-like sick as I had all the symptoms except a fever. I was home sick Monday and Tuesday though I did work about half a day each from home just trying to keep up with all that is going on.

I felt bad in body and mind all week and work was very hectic on top of that. I was so ready for the weekend and Friday was the start of a week with the kids which always makes the weekend more enjoyable.

I don;t know what I did, but I managed to wrench my back badly that evening and by Saturday it was about the worst it has been in a couple of years. Of course Scott had plans that required various transportation plus because he had late-ending driver education which I had to drop him off early at (plus pick up one of his friends on the way) we also had to stop at the X's so they could get their stuff for the week at my house which we usually do after school on Friday.

Unknown to Scott and Danielle getting in and out of the low to the ground Mustang when my back is like this is very painful, all I wanted to do was take some presumption pain killers and lay flat on my back in between sets of my exercises. But because the last pickup I had to do of him and two friends was at midnight, I was unable to do that until 2AM this morning (1AM but daylight savings time you know) since all day I had to keep my head clear for driving. I could not deny him his fun, he's been through a lot too this week; he had a friend pass away at school. She fainted during practice for the talent show and was dead two hours later. For him this is the second friend who has died in a 6 month period. So, as Lucy had said in Charlie Brown, I just gritted my teeth, dealt with the pain all day, and got the job done.

Sunday morning after a fitful nights sleep my back does not seem to hurt any worse......though I fear it will be delivery food for the kids this day though when I go to pickup Scott from the friend's house he slept over last night I will drag him to Forest Hills Foods with me so he can do the bending and lifting of some groceries we must have.

So, that's been my week and why there have been no posts during that period. I hope everyone else has been doing OK.

Not too many posts

Its been a bit over two weeks since the last post; much going on, lots of stuff related to work I won't go into here (other than to say I still do not know if I will have a job down the road). Morale at work is somewhat lacking these days.

The X had surgery on October 17th which had some complications, I had the kids through the 28th, 12 days with the kids is always great! X is doing better, but, having trouble recovering; she just won't take it easy as the doctors tell her to.

My Dad is doing somewhat better, still has some post-operative pain but overall he has much less pain that he had prior to surgery and has left the house!

I have been having fun hacking my iPod touch and installing all kinds of software on it. So far I have rendered unbootable twice. Now I have a backup and restore procure which lets me recover all of my applications and data after restoring it to factory settings and re-hacking it. This saves me tons of time over the previous method which was install applications one by one, redo all settings, etc.

Danielle had her Halloween dance and party at the school Friday night; she and Scott are both looking forward to Halloween on Wednesday.

My brother's wife's father passed away last week; he was old and they had to amputate one of his legs to try and save him, but, he did not make it. Couple this with a new job (that has a long commute!) and trying to sell their house, and she really has her hands full. I wish I was closer so I could help out.

Chris got a part time job at Meijer; he will be challenged to come up with suitable finances though and it looks like a student loan will be in order. I gave his mom some extra cash to help offset him living at her house since he has been unable to pay the rent that was agreed on.

Tails continues to grow and to be cute, she really enjoyed having the kids around for the extra time; after they left yesterday she became my shadow, either napping on me or next to me on the couch. She does not realize it, so, please do not e-mail her at tailskitty@gmail.com and tell her, she will be getting spayed and laser-declawed sometime over the next few weeks.

Not much more to tell really, though I will try to post a bit more often.

Super Freaking Bad Mood

Well, it is that day of the year I love to hate, that day, if, I had my choice I would stay home alone!

September 28th, both my Wedding Anniversary (meaningless since the divorce) and the anniversary of my Mom's passing away. She died on my first Wedding anniversary.

I miss my mom though it's now been 20 years she's gone. And I still miss the X, though I must admit this year I do not feel quite as bad, and I have no desire to post a picture of us or her as I have done in the past and lament about lost love. It's her loss, and perhaps one day she will realize this.

And, as if the above was not enough to bring down my day, Scott's voice is having problems again and his throat hurts when he speaks.

Needless to say my mood is very BLACK today!!

Sigh!