Picture Of The Day 08/08/10

Missing my dad today! The picture below was taken the last time I saw him back in New Jersey back in 2007. He passed away a few weeks before we were going to see him in 2008. Hard to believe last month marked the two year mark since he he boarded that last train west...

A word of advice for those of you with you parents still out there, if there's anything you wanted to ask them or tell them, do it NOW before it's too late. Two of the biggest regrets in my life was that there were so many things I wanted to talk to my folks about and say to them that I always thought there'd be time for that later. How wrong I was!

There's not always a tomorrow! Tell them now!

Conversations with my Father

The other day I was looking at quite a few digital pictures from a few years back. Many of these featured my father. One of my favorites is shown below.

Danielle, My Dad, and Scott July 2007

That night I had a very realistic dream, it was very vivid and made quite an impression on me. My dad and I were talking. We knew he was dead and we knew I was dreaming. "When you dream my son, the veil between our two worlds is more easily traversed." he explained, "I can sometimes come and talk to you as we are doing now. You may think it's just a dream, but it's not."

We talked awhile about how much we missed and loved each other, and we gave each other a big hug when we were done. As my dad faded away, he winked at me with the smile of his I remember and mentioned he'd be seeing me again, and not to be too sad about his being gone.

I awoke, and reflected. Could it really be my dad talking to me, or was it in fact just the product of my over-active imagination? Unlike most of my dreams this one was very clear and very realistic and the full memory of it stayed with me. Anyone else have an experience like this?

Real or not, I will say I missed him a bit less, and felt better about his being gone. I hope to see him again in my dreams some night soon.

Shocked on Sunday

Sunday the X, Danielle, Scott, and I went to dinner at Braun's. It's a decent steak place and I had my free 8 ounce sirloin sizzler coupon I obtained last September 7th on my birthday. Scott had a 18 ounce prime rib and Danielle and the X shared a ribs and chicken combo.

Afterwards we drove out near the lake to look at some used cars for Scott. To make a long story short we'll keep looking for now.

Later, the X and I were standing outside my house, and I was telling her how weird the weekends were since every weekend I wanted to call my dad. Yesterday was three weeks now since4 his passed away, and I still can't believe it, and the urge to pickup the phone and call him is very strong.

Suddenly a black car screeched up to the curb, and my dad got out. He walked over to me and said he did not like being dead so he came back. He gave me a hug and I sobbed uncontrollably telling him how much I loved him and apologizing for anything wrong I had done as kid.

I woke up at 1:30AM with a gasp, totally stunned. The dream was so real in it's clarity. The tie in with the real events of the day (dinner and car hunting) made it all the more believable!

I arose from bed shaken, quickly turned on some lights and adjourned to the living room where I put on the TV. There was no way I was going back to sleep quickly after that! I wanted to talk to someone about this, but, due to the late hour I did not. I'm glad the kids were not here so they did not get awakened.

Thanks Steve

In a week that has left me and mine at one of the lowest points I can remember, I want to thank my friend Steve for being there Friday at my dad's funeral mass.

Thanks Steve, it meant the world to me and I'm sure to my dad too.

NJ Nightmare continues

Today was no better, in fact worse with all the extra running around we had to do int he AM; my dad owns a crypt where my mom is entombed and we still had to drive all the way down there to sign the paperwork to allow my dad's space to be opened. They would not take a fax.

After that we spent the rest of the day going through so much of my dad's things. We realized we learned even more that we did not know about him, we also threw away so much stuff he had accumulated over the years....some of the weirder items were a collection of little balls of string, bags and bags of rubber bands, and about 300 dead hearing aid batteries, just to name a few.

Tomorrow is the wake....which I am dreading. Danielle in particular is very fragile right now and even Christopher, age 19, is visibly shaken. Of all the kids he was closest to his grand father and spent so much time together with him when we were living in the mother/daughter house in Great Meadows with my dad.

Here's the text of the obituary in the Star Ledger today:

View/Sign Guest Book
Enrico M. Falco
FALCO Enrico M. Falco Tool-and-die maker, WWII vet, lived in Glen Ridge, 84 Enrico M. Falco, 84, of Hackettstown died on Sunday, July 27, 2008, at home, after a long illness. A Funeral Mass will be held at Sts. Peter and Paul R.C. Church, Great Meadows, on Friday, Aug. 1, at 10 a.m. Entombment will be at Hollywood Memorial Park, Union. Arrangements by the Scala Memorial Home, 124 High St., Hackettstown, (908) 852-2420. Friends may call on Thursday from 4 to 8 p.m. Mr. Falco was born on Dec. 16, 1923, in Belleville to the late Joseph and Angelina Falco. He resided in Glen Ridge for many years before moving to the Hackettstown area 29 years ago. Mr. Falco retired as a tool-anddie maker after many years and last worked for Chatham Precision in Chatham. He was a U.S. Army veteran of World War II, serving from 1943 to 1946. He was a member of Sts. Peter and Paul R.C. Church in Great Meadows and its Seniors Club; the Great Meadows Busy Seniors and the Sunshine Club of Blairstown. Mr. Falco is survived by his companion of many years, Julia Pirrello; sons, Rick Falco of Millington and Christopher Falco of Grand Rapids, Mich.; sister, Kay Testa of Parsippany; and three grandchildren, Chris, Scott and Danielle. Published in the Star-Ledger on 7/30/2008

Nightmare in New Jersey

Frankly stated it's been hell thus far....A nightmarish 720 mile ride to New Jersey after no sleep the night before causing me to rely on energy drinks.....waiting until after the police finally finished their investigation today we were at last allowed access to my Dad's apartment and we could start the laborious task in front of us. My dad left no will, little assets and apparently has not discarded anything since the 1930's. Happily though I'm taking home stacks of old pictures to scan and preserve and I've been finding out things about my dad I had no idea of.

A few people have asked for details on the arrangements so I've pointed them here


Viewing is Thursday July 31 from 4PM - 8PM at
Scala Memorial Home
124 High Street
Hackettstown, NJ 07840
908-852-2420

Mass is Friday August 1 at 10AM at
St Peter & Paul Church
360 US Route 46
Great Meadows, NJ
908-637-4269

Funeral is Friday Augsut 1 at 12 noon at
Hollywood Memorial Park
1500 Stuyvesant Avenue
Union NJ 07083
908-688-4300

In lieu of flowers please dontated in the memory of Enrico M. Falco to
The American Lung Association
61 Broadway
New York, NY 10006
212-315-8700

8:20 PM Update on my Dad

The latest word from New Jersey is the police have retained my dad's body so they can perform an autopsy. I won't hear anything further until sometime tomorrow.

Scott, Danielle, the X and her parents and I had lunch at Red Robin and then the X took me to the airport to rent a larger car for the trip. Chris is on his way home from College right now and will arrive later this evening. We'll be heading out between 6 and 7AM in the morning depending on when I wake up.

What a day it has been; I had just returned from business in Ohio Friday so it's been doing assorted loads of wash and repacking, getting the kids the stuff they need from their Mom's house, taking Tails over there. The X has been a big help and I really appreciate this.

With any luck I'll have the car loaded in an hour and I can sit down and hopefully unwind a bit before bed.

2:40 PM Update on my Dad

My brother called about an hour ago after arriving at my dad's place. There were police and detectives investigating because as they put it there were signs of 'foul play'. That's all my brother has been able to get from them.

The X, bless her heart, rented a larger car for me which we will pick up this evening so the kids won't have to take turns being cramped in the Mustang. We'll leave between 6 and 7 tomorrow morning which should put us in NJ by 7 PM tomorrow.

In Memoriam of my DadEnrico Micheal Falco1925-2008May he Rest In Peace

Me, my Dad, and my Brother at a family dinner at our Budd Lake NJ house in 1999

Sadly the kids and I will be heading back to New Jersey at dawn tomorrow. My dad passed away this morning.

I was just getting ready to go to the store to shop for the ingredients for lasagna when the phone range around 11:30. I had just showered after an intense exercise bike ride, trying to recoup for time last week while on my business trip I guess.

It was my brother's wife Camille, telling me my dad's girlfriend had called to tell her the news and that the police were at my dad's place treating it like a crime scene and they would not allow her inside.

My brother was in the shower so she was going to tell him and then they would rush up there and find out what was going on. I await his call now.

I told Danielle and we both cried hugging each other, then we headed over to her Mom's house so she could get more clothes. I told the X what happened and then I cried all over again. I cried when I imported the picture above. Obviously I won't have any trouble letting my grief out.

Anyway, I am making arrangements with work and such, the X will be watching Tails for us. Her mom (the X's, not Tails'!) just called to offer support and such which was greatly appreciated.

So, off to New Jersey for a most unexpected trip to put my dad to rest. I'll try and update this post with more details as they become available.

Dad Update

The news is not good; while the surgery may have improved my dad's chances of beating the pneumonia, it has done nothing to improve his breathing which was the second reason they had risked the procedure. I was talking to him yesterday and he can't go from his bed to the bathroom, using oxygen, without gasping and being totally out of breath. And this is only projected to get worse. I feel so bad for him, he is so upset, and has been through so much.

Tuesday Dad Update

Thank goodness my Dad made it through his surgical procedure, now we wait and see if he can beat the infection now that his lungs have been scraped and vacuumed out.

Sunday Dad Update

My Dad's not really any better....but by the same token he's no worse after five days in the hospital now.

Tomorrow my dad will be undergoing a procedure when they basically vacuum the lungs out. If this works the doctor is hope his quality of life, at least for now, will improve. With his age and current condition it is of course risky, but as my dad just said, he can't go on like this. he can't go from his couch to the kitchen without gasping for breath even with his oxygen tank.

I've have be so down these past five days, particularly after all the trouble Scott had, I feel emotionally bankrupt or at least overdrawn.......

Update on my Dad

FINALLY heard about my Dad just now, he took a nasty fall and has a bad case of pneumonia, which is bad for someone his age, plus he has the emphysema.

For whatever reason, my brother thought it not prudent to call from the hospital....I just called him at home about 20 minutes ago. Funny, as when we were IM'ing this morning he was stating how much it sucked knowing my dad was n the way to the hospital but not being able to talk to someone.........

I will call tomorrow to check on him, he'll b on meds fr 24 hours at that point so there will be a better indication of how he's going.

That damn light......

So.........after hearing from my brother this morning, we IM'd back and forth for awhile, and he located the hospital my Dad was taken to using Google and such as I had suggested. This was after he called my dad's girlfriends cell phone provider in an attempt to have her contacted as we did not have her cell phone. He talked to a supervisor who barely spoke English, and after she would not him after `15 minutes of trying to explain the situation he hung up in frustration!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH COMPANIES THESE DAYS - If you are providing service in America is it too much to expect to be able to talk with people who speak clearly and understand the language???

Hospital identified he then headed off promising to call me. Well, that was over 2 hours ago and it's about a 40 minute ride to the hospital!

LAST TIME this happened it was hours before I was called.......THIS IS MOST FRUSTRATING!!!!!!

Light at the end of the tunnel

Just when you think you can see the Light at the end of the tunnel.......

Scott has been doing much better, out of the wheelchair now, and doing very well! I just got a phone call from my brother in New Jersey, when he returned to his house this AM He had a message form my dad's girlfriend saying my dad fell, wave having trouble breathing, and was on his way to the hospital. He's been unable to get in touch with her yet.......

Being 710 miles away with no news is VERY FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!! I feel like my head is going to explode!

On blogs, no one can hear you scream......................

Oh, Day of Days!!

Yesterday I called my Dad to see how he was feeling; he was very excited! Evidently there is a clinical trial of a new treatment for those with emphysema that may help hi,! He will be going for pre-screening Monday to see if he is eligible. Pray for the best please!

I know from talking to his girlfriend he is not in good shape! She mentioned they went out to her doctor the other day and he had his O2 with him; he was so winded when they got there he ended up in a wheelchair because he did not have enough breath to walk. I am hoping this procedure is doable for him, but it is the first glimmer of hope we have seen for him. I will be cautiously optimistic until I hear back from him next week.

So, I get off the phone from my dad, and it rings again, it's Chris, my 19 year old who has been looking for a job suitable for his co-op program at Kettering University, and he's got a job! Wow! And not the one in Detroit which would have totally sucked because we would hardly ever see him, but close enough to town so he'll still be in the area 6 months of each year!

THEN, On the geek side, the phone rings again, and it's the X, she's met someone at work who does AT&T sales and she's telling be about fiber optic service being available in our area, so, I will be signing up today. For what I am paying now for my phone, Internet, and Satellite TV, I will get so much more over a fiber optic connection including HD TV which I do not have and would cost me an extra $20/month over what I will be paying.

I have not had a day this good since before the divorce! I think that's entirely too long to wait for such a day. I am still giddy today.....is this what happy feels like?? ;)

So, it was such a good day I was almost afraid to go out of the house this morning!

The week in review

This was the lovely morning that greeted me a week ago Saturday after additional snow the day before:

I was feeling a bit sick, had been the day before, but the day was gorgeous. As it got later I was feeling worse and worse. I called my dad to say hello and got some bad news; he had seen a second specialist who confirmed what his previous doctor had said his lungs were failing and there was nothing that could be done. I was stunned and spent the rest of the weekend in a fog, particularly after more bad news from some other family back east in the medical and other areas.

By Monday I was flu-like sick as I had all the symptoms except a fever. I was home sick Monday and Tuesday though I did work about half a day each from home just trying to keep up with all that is going on.

I felt bad in body and mind all week and work was very hectic on top of that. I was so ready for the weekend and Friday was the start of a week with the kids which always makes the weekend more enjoyable.

I don;t know what I did, but I managed to wrench my back badly that evening and by Saturday it was about the worst it has been in a couple of years. Of course Scott had plans that required various transportation plus because he had late-ending driver education which I had to drop him off early at (plus pick up one of his friends on the way) we also had to stop at the X's so they could get their stuff for the week at my house which we usually do after school on Friday.

Unknown to Scott and Danielle getting in and out of the low to the ground Mustang when my back is like this is very painful, all I wanted to do was take some presumption pain killers and lay flat on my back in between sets of my exercises. But because the last pickup I had to do of him and two friends was at midnight, I was unable to do that until 2AM this morning (1AM but daylight savings time you know) since all day I had to keep my head clear for driving. I could not deny him his fun, he's been through a lot too this week; he had a friend pass away at school. She fainted during practice for the talent show and was dead two hours later. For him this is the second friend who has died in a 6 month period. So, as Lucy had said in Charlie Brown, I just gritted my teeth, dealt with the pain all day, and got the job done.

Sunday morning after a fitful nights sleep my back does not seem to hurt any worse......though I fear it will be delivery food for the kids this day though when I go to pickup Scott from the friend's house he slept over last night I will drag him to Forest Hills Foods with me so he can do the bending and lifting of some groceries we must have.

So, that's been my week and why there have been no posts during that period. I hope everyone else has been doing OK.

Dad Status 9/24/07

I just talked to my Dad who is doing a bit better this evening, post operative pain is less and he is feeling a bit better!

By the way, if anyone is curious, a picture of the spacers they used is shown below; my dad had more than one of these inserted.

Dad Status 9/22/07

I talked to my Dad Saturday, his pain has lessended a bit and he is feeling a little better, I will check in with him this evening!

Dad Status 9/20/07

I talked to my dad last night, he was in a lot of pain, and grumpy, both of these are to be as expected! I told him to bear with the pain, that it would be much better in a few days, and hope that once that pain was gone his overall pain would be much improved. He told me his next biggest problem is to recover without getting an infection such as pneumonia, so, let's keep those positive thoughts coming!

I will be calling him this evening to see how he is doing.